Something changed... even when I don't feel like it.

Something changed the day I became a pastor, just like something changed the day I became a mom.

I can describe it best in saying I acquired this profound realization that I am a pastor...even when I don't feel like it. In much the same way, I realized the SECOND Briggs was born that I will forever be a mom, even when I don't feel like it.

Take yesterday for example. I wasn't feeling in my best mood driving to church- but guess what? When I arrived at church, I was Pastor Emily. It's a job, yes. But it's also a calling...and in some ways it actually makes for more authentic ministry when I assume my pastor cap (or stole as it may be), especially on the days I don't feel like it. I suppose it's like this because in the end, my ministry is not so much about how I feel on any given day, it's about God- and God's work in our lives. It's about being real in the presence of God and hoping others feel welcome to this same posture of humility....and let me tell you, there's nothing more humbling than preaching when you don't feel much like being a pastor that day.

And yet God uses me, and on what was perhaps one of my least "cheerful" days, I sensed God's spirit moving and working in the midst of our congregation in a very real way, despite my fleeting feelings.

Or take this morning- after hosting family and friends for an (unexpected, yet delightful) lake day following church, I got to bed late and woke up early to a hungry baby. Did I feel like getting out of bed? Absolutely not!!! But I'm a mom now, and it's par for the course. I don't get to choose to sleep in some days just because I stayed up a little later than normal. I'm a mom, whether I feel like it or not. Although Briggs is still too young to understand any grumpy words, I'm finding myself ever-more mindful than even 4 month-old babies likely pick up on emotional cues. So whether I feel like it or not, I recognize the need to be a loving and consistent mom who exudes the same humility of calling that my pastoral role evokes in me.

And I trust that God uses me, as a pastor and a mother, despite all my occasional feelings to the contrary. This does not mean that I completely disregard my personal feelings, but rather that I accept them, process them, and make a conscious choice to allow God to use me anyway.

Many things about my identity have changed over the past four months, and yet I'm still just me. Emily the daughter, sister, wife, and friend- who is now also Emily the pastor and mom.

It suits me, even when I don't feel like it.