I'm choosing sanity.

I'm choosing sanity today, mostly because the alternative doesn't much suit me (so I've discovered).

I've lived a few days on the other side of sanity the past three months, and what I'm learning more than anything else is that humility will bring sanity.

So rather than try and attempt the gazillion things a working mom needs to do it order to be "successful," I'm choosing to remain sane today, cancel my commitments, and stay home with two sick kiddos.

Blaire has ushered in that 3 month mark, and as exciting as it is to be over the worst (in my opinion) bit of infancy with Blaire, we're also past the point where she gets an "immunity pass" from being in my tummy. She's officially entered the world of germs, and as normal as this is (and as helpful as breastmilk continues to be), she is particularly susceptible to a "bad" cold because of her breathing issue.

So while a part of me is freaking out because I'm not yet sure what to expect from this cold, the more knowledgeable part of me is choosing to remain sane, stay home, monitor her, and trust that she's got grit.

And while I'm choosing sanity on a day that began with both kids crying, I might as well make other positive mental and emotional choices:

Like recalling the moments of sheer sibling beauty when Briggs motions for me to quickly "Come, Mom." --"What is it, Briggs?" --  "See baby sister, she so cute!" (like it's the first time opening a precious gift, even after three months of her existence with us).

Like remembering how Blaire truly is a gift to everyone we meet, strangers and friends alike; how it gives me such joy to bring her in public spaces for her light to shine on people and places longing for the wholeness and purity babies offer.

Like knowing that although AJ is now even busier as part-owner of the ranch, he's providing a legacy for our children, one I know Briggs already loves when he goes to "check cows," and "count haybales" and charm customers with daddy.

Like sitting here with a cup of coffee while I unabashedly let Briggs watch Daniel Tiger's Neighborhood, and I write to the world that I know exists out there somewhere, people with whom I enjoyed keeping company before becoming a mommy, life and vitality on this great big earth I will one day see again.

Just not today, because today I'm staying home, choosing sanity, and cherishing the little moments with little blessings named Blaire and Briggs.

And this really is the best choice I will ever make.

She may be sick, but she still smiles for her belated 3 month photo

We know more! (sort of)

It's Friday, both kids are napping, and this is the first I've had to collect my thoughts this week.

First thought? I'm. So. Exhausted.

Second? Oh, I haven't updated my facebook family on Blaire's check-up results.

The short of it: "She'll be fine. But watch her. But she'll grow out of it. But bring her in if anything changes or if her breathing gets worse."

The long of it: After sticking a camera down her nose, the doc found out that her airway does collapse when she breathes. So, he confirmed our primary doc's original hypothesis of trachiomalacia, only he calls it by a different name: Laryngomalacia. He used the two terms interchangeably, really. But his online medical report uses laryngomalacia, which just means I have to learn to pronounce another medical term (or maybe just stick with windpipe). I asked about "severity" and he said he can't say what portion of her trachia collapses, or how the tissue closes in on the larynx... he just could tell that it does.  That's why I don't feel as if we know much more than we originally thought. Generally speaking, however, it's mild if it doesn't affect her eating/sleeping. And there's no sign of that with this little angel!

As Shirley remarks, "I'm pretty sure we're the youngest and older church members right here!"

I can say that I entered that clinic much more nervous than when I left. And for that I'm extremely grateful. I'm also grateful for the amazing amount of emotional support I've received from so many of you! Her breathing situation isn't perfect, (and I can tell my anxiety shoots through the roof when she's crying) but I do think she'll be just fine.

I'm realizing yet again how dramatically my emotional well-being is tied to that of my children. And if there's a silver lining in all this, it's a reminder that if I care this much for my children, how much more God must surely care for us!

Given in Love

Imagine our delight to discover

You entered our world,

A bundle of gorgeous grit,

A girl of untold wonder and wit.

You are our child, our sacred gift

Sent from above, every little bit of you,

A daughter of God, given in love.

We embrace this new journey ahead

With gratitude, grace, and steadfast faith.

Knowing it calls us to stretch and to grow

As we commit to letting you know

You are created in God’s image, made to bestow

Light from above, a heart of hope,

A daughter of God, given in love.

You have joined a great big family,

With members of every nation and race

All welcome because of God’s holy embrace

And we bring you, little sister, to this place

Of worship and wonder, as much as we do

Because here you belong, here you are you.

A daughter of God, given in love.

Your baptism today marks you with God’s kiss

And we celebrate your life as a gift

Not only for us, but for others too,

All who need to see Jesus anew

Will know that God is God, because you are you.

Yours from above, a promise to receive as

A daughter of God, given in love.

We love you dear Blaire Yvonne Munger,

And we will try with all that is within us,

To guide you to the good Shepherd, because

You are a daughter of God, given to love.

Grandparents!