Motherhood in the Balance

Briggs is nearly 8 weeks old, and I have yet to write a seven-week update, so here goes.

I had two ideas in mind, the first being entitled: “A Mother’s Intuition?” For this post I was planning on writing how several people have mentioned (or assumed) some sort of mother’s intuition magically presented itself as soon as I had Briggs. For some this may happen, and to you I say congrats. I, on the other hand, respond to the questions regarding differentiating between Briggs’ cries and knowing when to put him down for a nap by saying I have yet to experience a mother’s intuition. In fact, right now my mother’s intuition tells me to “google it” every time I have a question.

Okay, on to this week’s winning post. J

Motherhood in the balance. This week has been an eventful week for me. I completed the ecclesiastical council for the Prairie Lakes Association of the UCC, at which they voted to approve me for ordination, the final step along this journey to ordained ministry. I was emotionally moved by this vote, seeing it as confirmation of a calling I have felt on my life the past 14 years. (That’s half my life, as I think of it). So now that I have a church call and approval for ordination, I am simply waiting until my start date of July 1^st to officially begin my ministry. Until then I get to be full-time mommy and contemplate the balance of adding additional responsibilities when mothering Briggs will continue to be a full-time job (as any mother will attest).

So that is why motherhood is in the balance for me. Not in a “do I do it or not” type of way, but in a “professional/personal” life ambitions sort of way. My professional ambitions are many (and have always been), and currently include ministering alongside the people of Columbia’s church, teaching a course at Presentation College in the fall, and maintaining my social work licensure. In fact, I was offered as many courses as I’d like at PC, and I have to say I was severely tempted to bite off more than I could chew…but my desire to be available for Briggs (particularly in the nursing capacity) is so important, I reluctantly—yet satisfactorily—said no to teaching more courses.

See, I desire to be a really great mom. I know I can’t “stay at home” full time, like many of my delightful counterparts do (often to the advantage of their children). I, however, cannot commit to being away from Briggs for a full-time work week, which many of my diligent counterparts do as necessity in their lives. I am not one to consider any variety of “motherhood” more significant than another, since life takes its course and we as mothers run with it. In particular, it is important to note that economic constraints often pre-determine a mother’s choice, and so prioritizing the welfare of the child takes on many different forms. My version of keeping motherhood in the balance involves saying “yes” to what I feel God most calling me, and saying “no” to what I sense is less important at the moment.

I am fully aware that not every mother is capable of making the “part-time” approach to a professional life a viable option for them, and I know I am fortunate to have flexible expectations in my ministry regarding the amount of time I work from home vs. working in the public domain. I am also grateful for the opportunity to teach one course that I have already taught, giving me many more hours each week to be with Briggs and AJ exclusively (not dividing my time with course prep).

All in all, keeping motherhood in the balance is tricky for everyone; although for me it involves saying no to a few things I would love to add to my life, when life is full—as it most certainly is—I am learning to cherish it rather than attempt to stuff a few more “good” things in.

And in the end, I find myself praying that my attempt at keeping motherhood in the balance will bless Briggs as a child of God. After all, I am convinced that God has selected AJ & I to nurture Briggs on behalf of our parental and loving Creator. It is my hope that both my professional and personal ambitions ultimately work toward introducing Briggs to his Maker every chance I get.

This is a motherhood goal I can commit to 100%.