I'm choosing sanity.

I'm choosing sanity today, mostly because the alternative doesn't much suit me (so I've discovered).

I've lived a few days on the other side of sanity the past three months, and what I'm learning more than anything else is that humility will bring sanity.

So rather than try and attempt the gazillion things a working mom needs to do it order to be "successful," I'm choosing to remain sane today, cancel my commitments, and stay home with two sick kiddos.

Blaire has ushered in that 3 month mark, and as exciting as it is to be over the worst (in my opinion) bit of infancy with Blaire, we're also past the point where she gets an "immunity pass" from being in my tummy. She's officially entered the world of germs, and as normal as this is (and as helpful as breastmilk continues to be), she is particularly susceptible to a "bad" cold because of her breathing issue.

So while a part of me is freaking out because I'm not yet sure what to expect from this cold, the more knowledgeable part of me is choosing to remain sane, stay home, monitor her, and trust that she's got grit.

And while I'm choosing sanity on a day that began with both kids crying, I might as well make other positive mental and emotional choices:

Like recalling the moments of sheer sibling beauty when Briggs motions for me to quickly "Come, Mom." --"What is it, Briggs?" --  "See baby sister, she so cute!" (like it's the first time opening a precious gift, even after three months of her existence with us).

Like remembering how Blaire truly is a gift to everyone we meet, strangers and friends alike; how it gives me such joy to bring her in public spaces for her light to shine on people and places longing for the wholeness and purity babies offer.

Like knowing that although AJ is now even busier as part-owner of the ranch, he's providing a legacy for our children, one I know Briggs already loves when he goes to "check cows," and "count haybales" and charm customers with daddy.

Like sitting here with a cup of coffee while I unabashedly let Briggs watch Daniel Tiger's Neighborhood, and I write to the world that I know exists out there somewhere, people with whom I enjoyed keeping company before becoming a mommy, life and vitality on this great big earth I will one day see again.

Just not today, because today I'm staying home, choosing sanity, and cherishing the little moments with little blessings named Blaire and Briggs.

And this really is the best choice I will ever make.

She may be sick, but she still smiles for her belated 3 month photo