Writing, Providence, and Luck

I wrote a sermon today.

I didn't entirely set out to write one today, but it happened. I started reading Scripture, talking (to myself), typing, more reading, then presto! Sermon material. I suppose that's the way the Word of God speaks. In unexpected ways.

My life these past 24 hours has been most unexpected. I am bursting at the seams to share more, but I have a lot of discernment ahead of me, and this is my desperate attempt to rein in my over-sharing nature. By hinting without substance.

Sorry for that. I know it's pretty annoying to get a partial story.

In any case, I can fully share my pleasure in knowing so many of my friends and family are rooting for me. I am confident in your confidence, encouraged by your enthusiasm, grateful for your presence in my life.

Here's to wondering how in life I got so darn lucky.

Dandelions, among other things.

I think maybe my niece was right.

Dandelions are pretty. True, their leaves are a little spiky, and the stems grow too tall for the blossom, and when they die they look really sad. But dandelions are more colorful than grass- and somehow we've classified them as weeds.

So my question is- who gets to decide what is a weed and what is a flower? It reminds me of a parable told by Jesus about the weeds and the wheat. The person in charge says that both must grow together, lest the wheat be pulled up while uprooting the weeds.

Maybe I need to take a more biblical approach to lawn maintenance.

Or maybe I'm over-thinking dandelions.

I might need a job.

As I was going for a run today, contemplating my direction in life, it occurred to me that I live by a lake and haven't even mentioned its beauty in my blog. The lake is beautiful any time of day. Here are my favorite moments by the lake two weeks into my life here....

Taking our first boat ride as a couple, trying to convince ourselves this is real life.

An evening around my neighbors' fire pit, watching the moon glisten in the tiny wake at the center of the lake.

On a windy day, a comment AJ made about the lake reminding him of the ocean, which reminded me of NJ.

Running alongside the lake, appreciating the ever-present nature of the water.

Waking up in the mornings and sharing a cup of coffee with my husband while looking at the gentle majesty of water lapping against the shore.

These are the moments I must treasure. These are moments of assurance that despite all my intellectual ambivalence about transitions, I am in the right place. And from this place, I will go to many other right places along the way.

                                                           Weed or flower?

These moments I treasure

I Pulled Some Weeds

Yesterday I got down and dirty.

I pulled some weeds. I only marginally enjoyed it, being dirty isn't my top priority. Unlike my three year-old niece who picked a bouquet of dandelions for her grandma this weekend, I did experience a certain satisfaction with digging up the roots and watching them wither. I'm 100% adult.

It's also quite possible I pulled up the roots of some healthy (unidentified) plants.

So it got me thinking about roots, and growth, and transitions.

Here I am in SD, putting down roots (for example, yesterday I planted lettuce, spinach, basil, cilantro, rosemary, and day lilies).  I'm trying to put down roots of other sorts as well. We've started attending Plymouth Congregational Church in town, and I have been happy with the familiar liturgy and the friendly welcome. The female pastor has given refreshing sermons that resonate with my theological leanings, and they are thrilled to have a young couple in attendance (our youthful glow helps increase our popularity a midst a relatively aging congregation) :)

And I have felt the Spirit move within our marriage while worshiping at Plymouth Congregational.

Someone once asked me how I go about selecting which church to attend, and I recall giving some formal response about the possibility of ordination (as a woman, as a choosy theologian, etc.). Yet I sense that the real criteria I use has something to do with how loudly we sing the songs, the tone of our conversation after worship, and how easy it is to pray together. I know that our marriage thrives in the movement of the Spirit, and the conversations we have after attending Plymouth Congregational are full of love and compassion and dedication. We are prompted to pray with openness and honesty. And when we're belting out those hymns, people turn in their pews to see who it is!

So I suppose we are growing roots within our new community a little at a time, but the major work we are doing is regenerating the roots of our marriage. After 4 months apart, we are settling into the soil of Mina, SD. We are refreshed by the spring rain of love and laughter. We are fertilized by worship and prayer. I am rejuvenated by the sunshine I feel while holding his hand. We are sustained by the daily routine of simply being together.

Oh- and I woke up this morning to the sound of chirping birds... and actually got out of bed!

I will end this post by stating that the man who holds my hand (and my heart, and my financial security at the moment) and I have decided that rather than taking a trip to celebrate our 3rd anniversary next week, we are going to take a boat ride on our very own lake. I suppose it may have something to do with this elusive "putting down roots" way of living.

So where do I go from here? Today I drive into Aberdeen to have lunch with my husband. The tastiest way I know to lay down roots.

                                      My New Look- perhaps another indication of transition

WHERE I GO FROM HERE

I am a curious person by nature. And a planner.
I love to recognize and know where God is at work in my life.
My life has always been lived in careful planning with a good dose of seizing unexpected opportunities.

Until now. Although I'd like to believe I'm still seizing unexpected opportunities- I do NOT have a plan.

Where do I go from here?

I am starting a new blog because I sense that the act of blogging brings some sort of clarify to my life, and hopefully it also brings a sense of uniting with friends near and far.

So here I am- living on a lake in Mina, SD with my dear husband. I have officially graduated from Rutgers with my Master of Social Work, from Princeton with my Master of Divinity. And I am unemployed.

Yes, I realize it's only been a few weeks.
Yes, I know my husband is wonderful and willing to provide for me while I search.
Yes, I know I am capable and bright.
Yes, I know that I have much to offer the Aberdeen area.

All of these affirmations are great, and necessary. But I must express that this is the first time IN MY LIFE that I don't have a clear direction. In August I will be 28, which means for the last 27 years I have always know the direction of my life- at least several months in advance.  But now I don't. And it's scary, exciting, terrible, freeing, and confining all at once.

And if I'm honest with you and myself, it can be difficult to get out of bed in the mornings.

So I ask from the deepest parts of my being- Where Do I Go From Here?

I have left a home in New Jersey that I miss terribly. My friends and church family in NJ have shaped me and challenged me and supported me and delighted in me. I miss them with all my heart (and tears).

And I have moved to Mina Lake, SD, an unfamiliar place with many friendly people. I know life is to be had in abundance here, but I recognize that I am still grieving New Jersey.

Of course everyone from SD expects me to be delighted upon return. But that word delighted suggests that I was eager to leave NJ. Not at all. Not me. I was eager to be with my husband, eager to live in our first house together, eager to make new friends and become reacquainted with old ones. But eager to leave NJ? Absolutely not.

So I find myself living into another wacky transition, a common experience within the last 10 years of my life. I moved from the invigorating, yet homogeneous community of Orange City, IA to the Pine Ridge Reservation, where I learned the feeling of being a minority and the love of my Lakota friends. From Pine Ridge I transitioned into one of the richest towns in America- Princeton, NJ. From Princeton we moved to Newark, NJ- one of the poorest neighborhoods in America. Then a brief and strange stint away from AJ in Highland Park, NJ....now to Mina Lake, SD- where neighbors are friendly and everyone looks just like me.

So Where Do I Go From Here?

Perhaps the answer to that question is really an antithetical response- Rather than going somewhere, maybe I need to stay for awhile. Put down roots. (Grow a garden, invite new friends to sip lemonade beside the lake, become reacquainted with family).

So where do I go? Today my answer will be- I will go outside and pull some weeds. That's where I will go.

                                                   A spider plant, the offspring of my mother's
                                                   spider plant wedding gift 35 years ago.