Week 6: let's talk about cravings

My current life situation: sweets and a sweet baby

You know I’m feeling better when I want to talk about food. First, a one sentence synopsis of motherhood: It becomes more enjoyable every day!

So now, food. Today I went to the grocery store. Normally I would talk about how quickly I sped through the aisles because my mother-in-law was watching Briggs for me and I needed to get home to feed him.

This is true, but today I want to focus on adult food. My diet, specifically. I went into the store with the sole intention of picking up eggs, milk, bananas, and any fruit or veggies that happened to be on sale. Great idea, but executed with difficulty by a breastfeeding mother. I did pick up all those things, but I also went straight to the bakery to pick out the biggest apple fritter I could find. Oh and the chocolate milk was on sale! And well of course the Easter candy was 50% off. What a steal! Normally this would not be an issue, since I tend to eat sweets in moderation. However, this breastfeeding momma will consume every ounce of sugar in sight!

Cravings, ugh.

Often in pregnancy people would ask if I craved something specific, and I would proudly respond, “Not really, just soup and fruit juice, but I already liked those things.” That is exactly what I said every time, happy the craving bug hadn’t bit me. How wonderful.

And then I started breastfeeding. No one told me how many cravings I would have post-pregnancy. To be fair, my sister did inform me that she couldn’t get enough to eat the first few weeks of breastfeeding, so I expected an increased appetite- you know, for all those healthy foods I’d been eating in pregnancy.

Wrong.

So I've stocked up on fruit- the healthy sugar, right? I have strawberries, grapefruit, bananas, grapes, apples, oranges, and pears. What do I eat when I have a sugar craving? Ice cream. Or hot chocolate. Or chocolate milk when I want to feel healthy. Or straight-up chocolate chips when I just don’t care. And oh the quantity! Easter did not help; I cleared my mother’s M&M dish while everyone was chatting. I stopped just shy of asking for seconds on her lemon and raspberry cake (but asked for some to go). I stopped eating the candy whoppers when my teeth started to ache.

I currently do not have a resolution to this cravings issue. Some might say, “live it up, girl!” While others will say, “you’re not getting enough protein.” Still others might offer healthy alternatives, such as fruit. Yep. I know. I would live it up if I wanted to buy a new wardrobe. I would add protein to my diet, but I am married to a rancher who ensures my meat intake is plenty high. I would eat healthy alternatives if bananas tasted like chocolate.

My one consolation is this: I’m admitting my cravings for all to read, which means I care. Oh, and the weather is getting better, so I might actually be able to put my extra energy intake to use!

Cravings, cravings go away. Come back only every-other day. 

Easter 2014

God Smiled at Me

I struggled this week to find an appropriate title. Here were some of the runner-ups:

Motherhood: Take Five

The Land of the Living

I See the Light

On Being Human Again

But God Smiled at Me works great for a number of reasons:

1.       Mothering Briggs brought me more joy and awe this week than any week prior, not because Briggs was less awesome the first month of his life, but simply because I felt less awesome and therefore was more consumed with me than I ever wish to be again.

2.       I have been sleeping well(ish) consistently, making me much more eager to celebrate the beauty of this life I’ve been given to share with AJ, Briggs, and everyone I encounter.

3.       Speaking of this life, the best way I can describe how I feel now compared with the first four weeks is captured in the alternate titles- I re-entered the land of the living, I see the light at the end of this maddening breastfeeding path, and in week five I might even be starting to enjoy it!

4.       I do believe I am falling in love with Briggs more each day…to the point of concern. Last night after AJ held him for awhile, I took him back in my arms and was afraid I might squeeze him a little too hard! Calm down, Emily… he is a hefty 5 week-old, but an infant none-the-less.

5.       My mastitis has finally cleared (knock on all the wood you can find). I know it can return, but I am incredibly grateful to my dear friend Molly who used her lactation consultant expertise (and personal experience) to help me discover the wonders of lecithin!

6.       And the main reason I chose this title…as of Sunday I am the newest pastor to be called to Columbia Congregational UCC (a small rural church with a wonderfully supportive congregation)!!!

This call has been a LONG time coming through God’s creative process. From the time I was 15 years old, I knew I was going to be in ministry. Since that time, I have embarked on an educational and experiential journey that has brought me to this moment. 13 years after my initial sense of calling, I have a concrete call to a church as their pastor! God indeed smiled upon my family and me this weekend. I could not ask for a more supportive husband than AJ & a better people-magnet than Briggs!

The best part of this call is the fact that the church’s expectations of my schedule are flexible enough for me to stay home with Briggs most of the work-week AND I have four months of maternity time before I officially begin! God indeed smiled upon this Munger family, and I am incredibly and whole-heartedly grateful for a week back in the land of the living.

Despite Mastitis, We Do Have Precious Moments

Tomorrow our baby boy will be one month old. Wow. I am attempting to surface from my “groundhog day” routine of nursing (and all that entails with a 2^nd severe round of mastitis), burping, changing diaper (and possibly sleeper), doing laundry, taking meds, trying to remember to consume something nutritious, nursing, etc. to reflect on all the precious moments of this past month.

But first I must be truthful about the last week. It wasn’t great. Yes we had great moments, which I fully intend to share, but I continue to feel so run-down (and occasionally miserable) due to mastitis (round two) and sleep deprivation. I don’t have the glorious glow of a new mother- it’s more like the sticky sheen of a mother who spends too much time obsessing over her milk supply. See I have too much milk production on one side, and in addition to drowning my baby each time he attempts to latch, this side insists on clogging up (hence the mastitis coming back, but I will save you the icky details of what this does to the milk coming from my left breast). I was told to expect my milk supply to regulate within a week or two…so now into the fifth week, I’ve become a bit frustrated.

But the positives! Yes, we have plenty. Thanks to my oversupply of milk (which happens to make me miserable), Briggs is gaining healthy weight at an astonishing rate. If our bathroom scale-- and our estimates while holding him-- are accurate, Briggs is nearly 12 pounds! He is a super baby- growing out of sleepers like crazy. And thanks to his quickly growing physique, my muscles are getting toned (or so I want to believe).

Also he has been sleeping well (enough for a newborn, that is). He generally goes down well after his feeding and only awakes every 3 to 4 fours for more. I count that as such a blessing, especially since recurrent mastitis is often attributed to stress and fatigue. So, I have a baby who is generally good about letting me sleep, if only my mind would shut off after each feeding and let me take advantage of my baby’s good sleep habits.

But I’m positive today, remember? So here is a list of the precious moments Briggs, AJ, & I have shared this past month:

1.       Yesterday we made a “Munger” pile on the couch, cuddling together in succession according to size. It was delightful and made me appreciate the reality that WE ARE A FAMILY (and we have a baby who likes to cuddle)!

2.       AJ & I often deliberate over what he will look like as he grows older. It’s fun to imagine this little baby becoming a strong, healthy, and passionate little boy.

3.       I took Briggs to “show off his reflexes” for the Presentation College Dev Psych class last week, and the students (most of whom I know well) asked me great questions about being a mom. It was doubly great, since I got my extroversion fix (BTW- another blog post I considered… motherhood: an extrovert living an introvert’s dream) and Briggs got some major lovin’.

4.       AJ & I took Briggs grocery shopping, and as I carried him in a sling around the store, I couldn’t help but notice the joy a new little baby brings to complete strangers. I also thoroughly enjoyed playing the part of Proud Momma.

5.       Briggs makes such funny faces, we are often captivated by his infantile facial expressions- pouty when he’s full, smiley when he’s passing gas, eager when he’s hungry, adorable when he is basically everything else.

6.       Thanks in part to the struggles of this first month, AJ and I have had ample opportunities to reflect on the serious nature of parenting, the strain of adding an additional role within our own relationship, and the marvel of together creating a real live baby.

7.       Having a baby means family and friends are all-of-the-sudden super interested in us again, which is pretty awesome (remember the extrovert living an introverts’ dream bit?) I love visitors, cards, gifts, and all the well wishes on facebook.

8.       After I nurse Briggs I get to hold him close to my chest and recall the beauty of the labor and delivery process. He is such a miracle, and at the expense of sounding sappy, he is perfect.

So I will leave you with my advice for new moms after living my first month of motherhood: Survive. Setting any loftier a goal may result in frustration. So believe this (which is what others have told me), if you survive the first month, you are a REALLY great mom.

PS- Did I mention how much I love Briggs? He is truly the best (and most exhausting) addition to our family. And I tell him this every day.