The Waiting Game

38 weeks, 4 days.

At 38 weeks I told AJ my pregnancy has really flown by! 4 days later, I'm rescinding that statement.

This is the waiting game, and in case you need a visual, this is what I look like right now, waiting in our recliner at home, hoping this baby lets me breathe soon enough.

For what am I waiting? The obvious:

• For our delightful little one to join us (much farther away from my lungs than he/she currently resides).
• For the beginning signs of labor, so I can finish packing my bag and start deep breathing.
• For an end to this journey of pregnancy, despite the respect I have for my changing body.
• For the opportunity to embark on this parenting adventure with AJ.

The less obvious:

• For motivation, for signs of Spring, for ways to keep my thoughts occupied.
• For my emotional roller coaster to take off, after a 9 month incline, down that anticipated hill of motherhood that will likely include plenty of waterworks, twists, and delight!
• For a more tangible sense of purpose to my life.
• For the chance to begin speaking words of kindness, encouragement, and love to our little one without the bodily barrier my belly presents!

Today my doctor hoped for me that the next time I saw her would be in the delivery room. I imagine I will see her in a week, at a regular check up. Of course the baby's in charge at this point, and I am totally okay waiting for his/her lead. It's just the uncertainty that makes this a waiting game like I've never experienced. A few days? A few weeks?

Only time will tell, so good thing I have plenty of that on my hands these days!

Full Term

This weekend marked the significant moment in pregnancy when mothers let out a sigh of relief. Full Term. Those words are so comforting, as I reflect on the occasional moments of anxiety over the health of our little one throughout the past nine months. Although in many ways I would consider myself to be quite calm as a pregnant woman, the potential health risks for baby and mom during a pregnancy are enough to cause slight anxiety, much of which has quickly dissipated as my due date draws near.

My goals the past month or so (being without full-time work) have included preparing the nursery, which is now complete! My mother came a few weeks ago to paint the walls, the dresser, the changing table, and she even gave me the rocker she used with her four children (including me) :) I'm blessed to have such support during this phase, because preparations such as these release any fear and enable me to simply enjoy the excitement of seeing our little one in the crib soon!

 my sister Leslie gave me the decor from my nieces' nursery, the furniture is from my childhood, and the rocker is from my infancy.

 The crib is one of the few baby items I have purchases new thus far, and I love it (but I have to say, the assembly directions weren't my forte- AJ handled most of it).

This diaper cake was created by my sister Alison for the wonderful shower my sisters and mom threw for me! I'm thankful for family and friends to celebrate with!

My list of needed baby items is growing much smaller. I am the "prepared girl scout" type (without ever actually having been a girl scout), so I have checked multiple lists of necessary baby items to ensure that I have my bases covered. Never mind we have stores in close proximity that carry everything I need.... :)   Nursery, done. Freezer meals, cooked. Diaper bag, packed. Towel and garbage bag near the bed, check (I can't quite bring myself to sleep on a garbage bag just yet, but my prepared self says better safe than buying a new mattress). Hospital bags, ready to go!

Today I will practice putting in the car seat, sterilize all the plastic baby gear, and clean. I will likely run a pretty tight ship around here until the baby comes, due to my love of coming home to a clean house (regardless of where I've been).

And so the waiting continues- sometimes I think this baby wants out soon- other times (probably when he/she is sleeping) I feel as if I will never have the baby. Thankfully I am not anxious- only excited. And since I preached my final sermon for awhile yesterday, I have only to hope the baby doesn't come tomorrow on my drive to Chamberlain for an ordination hearing. From the 19th on, little one, you are welcome into this world!

7 months of....plenty.

Let me say this- after 7 months of not blogging, I realized that I miss it. And yet I have complete grace for myself for not blogging these past several months....here's why:

1. I've been pregnant (complete with 2.5 months of morning sickness)
2. I created curriculum for and taught 2 college courses
3. I maintained an invigorating full-time gig helping students succeed at Presentation College
4. I wrote liturgy and sermons for 10 Sunday mornings & one funeral
5. I organized a new home & accumulated baby things, quite inexpensively (therefore, tediously).
6. I maintained status as a member in discernment for ordination
7. I completed an online UCC polity and history course (and wrote a 24 pg. ordination paper)
8. I cooked, cleaned, maintained a garden, did laundry, hosted family and friends, invited a youth group into our home for two over-nights, and tried my best to be a good wife, friend, family member, and neighbor. In other words- I lived.

I am aware that each of those statements began with "I." This I recognize as the main reason for not finding time to blog- I felt overwhelmed with life. And when life overwhelms, I get self-focused.

Not intentionally, of course...it just happens.

So here I am- 36 weeks pregnant,  and I blog once again.  This is indeed a time of transition for me, a time to ask, "where do I go from here?"

The question I pose is mostly answered for me- I become a parent. That's the main answer. AJ & I invite a forever change into our lifestyle. We embark from the world of couples to engage the world of families. And we are excited.

Even so, many unknowns are still present in my life. Regarding ordination and ministry prospects, details are uncertain. I hope to maintain a part-time ministry position after maternity leave, but I must simply wait for tedious processes to unfold, praying that what is best for our family is also best for the church. And I felt a form of uncertainty when resigning from my position at Presentation College. No longer counting on 2 incomes, AJ & I find ourselves asking financially, where do we go from here? In an interesting twist of events- I began paying on my student loans the same month I resigned my full-time position.  Oh yes, what a strange and crazy question it is to ask each day, each week: where do I go from here?

And so I blog again, reminding myself and others that although life is uncertain, it's the search for answers that makes it worthwhile.  Here's to keeping the question alive...

From little bump to big bump