When Ideal Isn't Good Enough

It's the middle of October. Half-way through the semester. Just over a month until Advent begins. Briggs is 7 months old and changing every day. The weather is getting cooler and our trees have nearly lost all leaves.

So naturally it's time for me to reflect on change. :)

And here's the news from the reflecting I've been up to....my life is ideal, but I've decided that's not good enough. I need a change.

Here's what I mean: I have the flexibility to work from home most days, essentially being a stay-at-home mom and a working mom, sending Briggs to day care 2 days a week. I love all this. I love teaching, I love ministry, I love motherhood, I love taking care of the home. And several people have told me my situation is ideal. Theoretically I agree. It sounds perfect. However, I live a practical existence, and in the midst of living the "ideal," I've realized it's only ideal if I have the energy to enjoy it.

Here's another way of looking at the stay-at-home/working mom bit. I work full-time hours with 15 hrs a week child care. In other words...although I'm at home with Briggs during 3 work days, little of my day is spent actually giving him attention. My mind is constantly split, and the sheer emotional/intellectual energy necessary for me to be good at each role I play is exhausting. I have students that need my attention, I have a church family whom I love and need to attend, and I have my home life, marriage and baby boy that are worthy of all my time. Oh, and I think I still have friends and (at least hopes of resurrecting) a social life.

Yes, I hear moms everywhere saying, "Welcome to being a parent." And I get that. But I refuse to believe that I must simply succumb to a packed schedule--at least before Briggs begins activities. :) I understand that some women have to make difficult decisions for financial considerations, but that's not me. One of my college professors taught me to say no to good things in order that I might better engage in great things. And although I didn't do well at heeding this advice in college, it's about time I do.

And so this past week  I made the difficult decision to say no to another semester of doing what I love- teaching college students. I'm prioritizing my ministry and my family, and as hard as it is to say farewell to this role I play as instructor, I'm leaving space in my schedule to truly enjoy my calling as a pastor mom.

And just maybe, I will be one step closer to "ideal."

sunrise over the lake