Weighing in on breastfeeding...

See what I did there? I set myself up for expectations that this posting will cleverly discuss the topic of weight and breastfeeding. Clever or not, here goes…

I’d like to begin by celebrating our success as it pertains to breastfeeding. A few short months ago I was singing my woes about mastitis and difficulty lacking. Now he is 11 weeks old and all but bursting out of 6 month clothing. Well done Briggs and Emily’s body, well done.

Despite breastfeeding’s countless benefits to baby and mother, I’d like to discuss a theory I’ve got about weight loss and breastfeeding.

Here’s my theory: Mothers who lose weight easily while breastfeeding are the only breastfeeding mothers eager to discuss weight. Those of us who haven’t experienced breastfeeding as the miraculous weight-loss cure simply remain silent. Until now…

The truth? I weigh more now than I did when Briggs was 3 weeks old. How in the world could this be? It’s fairly simple….appetite.

I’m talking A-P-P-E-T-I-T-E.

I opened a bag of caramel corn as an appetizer for my dinner tonight. After eating watermelon, a hotdog, and chocolate milk, I finished with more caramel corn. Why caramel corn? BECAUSE I’M HUNGRY AND IT WAS ON THE COUNTER (insert cookie monster noises). Why did I buy caramel corn in the first place? BECAUSE I WAS HUNGRY AND IT WAS ON DISPLAY! Why did I do grocery shopping while hungry? BECAUSE I’M ALWAYS HUNGRY.

Okay, I think you get the point. Caramel corn, ice cream, vast amounts of frozen pizza, crackers, chocolate, and basically any easy, high (yet empty) calorie food. That’s my present diet. Those veggies are tucked so nicely into my refrigerator drawer and would require the least bit of prep, so they are obviously out of the question for this hungry hungry momma.

I often seriously ask myself (usually on my walks) why I lack self control when it comes to my diet these days…and my answer is this: For the past five years of my life I maintained a consistent, healthy weight based on the non-dieting principle of eating all things in moderation to my level of hunger. Which makes TOTAL sense when I’m not producing a quart of milk each day. Now that I’ve successfully established my industrious nature as a milk machine, my appetite has followed. So naturally, given my non-dieting principle, I eat to my level of hunger. The thing is, my body seems to be telling me that I’m actually more hungry than need be. Why? I don’t know, it just is.

So here I am with a ravenous appetite and extra pounds. Now, all things considered, I will accept the extra pounds if it means Briggs is happy and healthy, but I would appreciate hearing someone tell me that it’s TOTALLY OKAY for breastfeeding mommas to NOT be skinny. I did read a research article yesterday suggesting that breastfeeding moms actually kept more fat in their tummies, thighs, and arms than non-breastfeeding mothers. Thank goodness for a little science on my side.        

So are a few extra pounds a big deal? No, absolutely not. What is important is that I NOT diet during this special time in my life as the sole sustain-er of our darling Briggs. (I could, however, stand to eat a few more healthy options). Ahh, it feels good to discuss the silent (yet weighty) side of breastfeeding.

Estrogen, I miss you.

I never gave estrogen much thought.

Enter breastfeeding.

Still, estrogen was not on my mind. I did vaguely recall something about needing to avoid birth control containing estrogen while breastfeeding, but I simply brushed this information aside (and categorized it in the "I will revisit this in the chance it affects me" category of my brain).

So now it affects me.

Not the birth control part, I have that covered. It's the strange interplay of breastfeeding and estrogen that has me all worked up this week. See, I've been having symptoms. Weird symptoms.

Like a UTI (and unfortunately I KNOW UTIs), but not really.
Like a yeast infection, but....nope.
Like mastitis....um, still not a match.

After five days of an odd ebb and flow of symptoms, I took to the internet.

Finally, I found a match. Under an article explaining a lack of estrogen due to breastfeeding, all my symptoms started to make sense.

Lethargy, Check. Briggs is sleeping between 7-9 hours a night (in one stretch!), so my sleepiness is no longer due to feeding my infant at night.

Unusual craving for sweets and carbohydrates. (Oh my! A previous post explained), Check.

Dry, relentless itchiness "down there." Check.

A frequent need to urinate (who knew this wouldn't be UTI related!), Check.

Night sweats and day chills. Check.

Short-term memory failure (so I'm not pregnant again, good!) Check.

Headaches and thinning hair (Okay, I expected these two as par for the course of mommyhood). Check and check.

Yes! Although I'm not entirely excited that breastfeeding seems to deplete my estrogen levels to epic lows, I am happy to know that my symptoms are not unusual.

And considering Briggs is in the top weight class for his age (maybe he will be a wrestler, who knows!), I must be producing quite a bit of milk- also a clue that my estrogen is low.

And so I find myself, after visiting with the doctor today, both grateful to be understood and a little unnerved that these symptoms may accompany me so long as I breastfeed. I have to say that if a few of them are managed correctly, the rest are rather subtle, and I will be just fine. But I'm shooting for a year of breastfeeding, folks, so take a look at the list of symptoms once again and send along all kinds of positive encouragement! :)

If only "acting hormonal" was a cute (albeit condescending) saying that meant little, I would take it! Unfortunately, hormones can play a much larger role in a breastfeeding momma's health than I ever realized!

So here's to you women in the same boat as me, wondering if you are going crazy. You're not, but your estrogen levels are. Good thing babies are so darn cute!

And so we pray...

My Dearest Briggs,                                                           May 11, 2014

I write this letter to you the week of your baptism, and as I gaze into your flawless face, I am in awe of the way God has perfectly fashioned you to be our son. You shine with the light of goodness that only God can create. Your dad and I are so in love with you, and yet we know that the world you have entered is not perfect- so we pray…

Briggs, we pray that you discover and appreciate love in this world, through family, community, new faces and familiar friends, and faith in Jesus, the one who gives unconditional love.

We pray that you find strength greater than the challenges you face in life. You are so vibrant as an infant, and we hope that you continue to be the strong little boy (and one day, man) God has created for this world.

We pray that you give of yourself to others. You have already given us so much joy and love, and we believe your life is full of opportunities to share the love of God with whomever you encounter.

We pray that you will be always mindful that you are a capable, worthwhile, and beautiful person created in the image of God. As you live into this truth, we pray you will find ways to be a light when the world seems dark.

We pray that you grow to love Jesus, the author and perfector of our faith. As you gain confidence in yourself, may it always be rooted in the truth that Christ is the one who guides us and gives our lives meaning.

Your dad and I are blessed with this opportunity of growing alongside you as we discover all that God has planned for our family. You are loved, little one, and as I gaze into your innocent eyes, I believe this world is brighter for your presence with us.

Love,

Your adoring mom (and dad) on Mother’s Day.

PS- as a side note, Briggs weighed in today for his 2 month appointment at a whopping 15 lbs. 4 oz. (99th percentile). Seems like his appetite matches his mom's! :) He also measures 24 inches long (84th percentile) and 16 inches head circumference (66th percentile). So grateful for a healthy and happy baby!

Motherhood in the Balance

Briggs is nearly 8 weeks old, and I have yet to write a seven-week update, so here goes.

I had two ideas in mind, the first being entitled: “A Mother’s Intuition?” For this post I was planning on writing how several people have mentioned (or assumed) some sort of mother’s intuition magically presented itself as soon as I had Briggs. For some this may happen, and to you I say congrats. I, on the other hand, respond to the questions regarding differentiating between Briggs’ cries and knowing when to put him down for a nap by saying I have yet to experience a mother’s intuition. In fact, right now my mother’s intuition tells me to “google it” every time I have a question.

Okay, on to this week’s winning post. J

Motherhood in the balance. This week has been an eventful week for me. I completed the ecclesiastical council for the Prairie Lakes Association of the UCC, at which they voted to approve me for ordination, the final step along this journey to ordained ministry. I was emotionally moved by this vote, seeing it as confirmation of a calling I have felt on my life the past 14 years. (That’s half my life, as I think of it). So now that I have a church call and approval for ordination, I am simply waiting until my start date of July 1^st to officially begin my ministry. Until then I get to be full-time mommy and contemplate the balance of adding additional responsibilities when mothering Briggs will continue to be a full-time job (as any mother will attest).

So that is why motherhood is in the balance for me. Not in a “do I do it or not” type of way, but in a “professional/personal” life ambitions sort of way. My professional ambitions are many (and have always been), and currently include ministering alongside the people of Columbia’s church, teaching a course at Presentation College in the fall, and maintaining my social work licensure. In fact, I was offered as many courses as I’d like at PC, and I have to say I was severely tempted to bite off more than I could chew…but my desire to be available for Briggs (particularly in the nursing capacity) is so important, I reluctantly—yet satisfactorily—said no to teaching more courses.

See, I desire to be a really great mom. I know I can’t “stay at home” full time, like many of my delightful counterparts do (often to the advantage of their children). I, however, cannot commit to being away from Briggs for a full-time work week, which many of my diligent counterparts do as necessity in their lives. I am not one to consider any variety of “motherhood” more significant than another, since life takes its course and we as mothers run with it. In particular, it is important to note that economic constraints often pre-determine a mother’s choice, and so prioritizing the welfare of the child takes on many different forms. My version of keeping motherhood in the balance involves saying “yes” to what I feel God most calling me, and saying “no” to what I sense is less important at the moment.

I am fully aware that not every mother is capable of making the “part-time” approach to a professional life a viable option for them, and I know I am fortunate to have flexible expectations in my ministry regarding the amount of time I work from home vs. working in the public domain. I am also grateful for the opportunity to teach one course that I have already taught, giving me many more hours each week to be with Briggs and AJ exclusively (not dividing my time with course prep).

All in all, keeping motherhood in the balance is tricky for everyone; although for me it involves saying no to a few things I would love to add to my life, when life is full—as it most certainly is—I am learning to cherish it rather than attempt to stuff a few more “good” things in.

And in the end, I find myself praying that my attempt at keeping motherhood in the balance will bless Briggs as a child of God. After all, I am convinced that God has selected AJ & I to nurture Briggs on behalf of our parental and loving Creator. It is my hope that both my professional and personal ambitions ultimately work toward introducing Briggs to his Maker every chance I get.

This is a motherhood goal I can commit to 100%.