When my siblings
and I were young, we sang a song for our grandparents' anniversary celebration
called Grandma and Grandpa, this song's
for you. I was somehow reminded of this simple song the other day while
thinking of my family. While I'm sure everyone enjoyed our chirping little
child voices, I'm more of a writer, as it turns out. So my blog title today
suggests a similar desire to show appreciation for my mother, without using my
(less than cute, these days) singing voice.
Mom, this
blog's for you.
As I am both
naturally and professionally inclined to do, I've been reflecting on my past
year. 2014 brought many changes, challenges, wonder, and insight. Foremost in
my thoughts these days is my new role as a mother. See, I've always believed I
would be a good mother (maybe now I see that's in part because you modeled it
so well for me). But the truth is, I never anticipated the amount of strength
required of a mother.
Sure, being
pregnant, going into labor, and delivering an almost-nine-pound baby (as I also
was!) takes grit, endurance, and plenty of strength. But I anticipated needing all
that. What caught me by surprise was the strength required to give of myself
without ceasing.
The strength
needed to constantly anticipate, respond to, and provide for the needs of a
completely adorable (and super-dependent) human being. All this, while
receiving less sleep than ever before, needing more physical recovery than ever
before, and experiencing more hormonal fluxes than a pubescent teen.
Bodily
sacrifice takes on new meaning as a mother, but so does the emotional
investment. After the first week of Briggs' life, I wrote a blog post detailing
the frustration and reality of the experience. And although I remember hearing
you, mom, say something about it not "being very positive" :) I said
one thing that day that sticks with me:
"I
honestly couldn’t love him any more or less. He is my son, and when I let
myself think about the implications of that statement, I am blown away with
awe."
This is what
I learned in 2014, that the love of a mother is unfathomable apart from the
experience of being a mother.
I realize
that I never understood the love you have for your children, until now. You
couldn't love us any more or less. We are yours, and I bet when you let
yourself think about the implications of that statement, you are blown away
with awe.
As am I.
As is anyone
who knows the strength required to give of oneself completely to another.
Awe. What a
great word to describe the feeling of being a mom, a word to summarize my
reflections on 2014. And so on this first day of 2015, I want to thank you,
mom, for giving yourself completely to your children. For emulating the
self-sacrificial love of parenting so well, that I might better understand the
depths of emotional strength needed to do this whole mothering business well.
And the
pastor in me might even say the way you love me brings me that much closer to
understanding the love of God.
Here's to
diving even deeper into the love of a mother and the love of God in 2015.
